The Greatest St. Mirren Kits Ever

*this article originally featured on miseryhunters.co.uk

If it were up to me, I’d wear a St Mirren shirt to basically every function I attend, despite repeatedly being told I’m “far too in my thirties for that kind of thing”. With the 2022/23 kits dropping any day now, let’s take a look at some of the highlights from throughout Saints’ history.

I was going to do an accompanying Worst Kits list but A) I’m Not About That Negativity and B) We all know that list would consist of the 2014/15 yellow away kit 15 times, so…

Here we are, The Definitive Top 15 St Mirren Shirts of All Time.

15. 1995/96 Home

It’s gone slightly too “let him know you’re there” early doors. Bit keen. The fans loved it but now it has to play 88 minutes on a booking.

14. 1998/99 Goalkeeper

A gif of Tim Robinson going like that “I want it soooo bad” from the I Think You Should Leave Dan Flashes sketch Does. Not. Even. Come. Close.

13. 2000/01 Home

It has a collar on it, so you could, in theory, wear it to a fancy restaurant. The sponsor on the front was made of that material that felt like absolute hell though. The kind that immediately rid your mouth of all moisture when you touched it. Fancy restaurants put all fruit and that in the water, don’t they?

12. 2005/06 Away

“Its’s just red”, the cynics will sneer. Won’t they? They love a sneer, those cynics. Let them. I know what I’m about.

11. 1997/98 Home

It’s smashed into a 50/50 tackle and done its own ACL in the process. It’s stood right back up and is staring down all who question it. Can’t let on you’re hurt. Don’t lose face.

10. 2012/13 Third

The 135th Anniversary kit. Beautiful, isn’t it? The only time I remember us wearing it was in the 2012 Renfrewshire Cup win against Morton. Out, out, brief candle.

9. 1981-1984 Home

“Bit like a couple seasons ago’s Juventus kit, isn’t it?”, you say to your nephew. He scores against you on FIFA to make it 7-0 and calls you a word you have to look up on Urban Dictionary. Need to phone your sister later. Little prick.

8. 1987 Scottish Cup Final Home

Ian Ferguson lived round the corner from us when we were kids. He’d play football in the street with us sometimes. Your Scottish Cup winning, Flock of Seagulls looking legend could never…

7. 1996/97 Home

It’s walked into a pub, ordered a pint of “whatever’s cheapest, big man” and put The Shamen’s Ebeneezer Goode on the jukebox five times in a row. Hard not to respect that.

6. 2021/2022 Home

Black and white stripes – one of the finest kit templates in the game. For too many years now though, the design has been a wet salmon St Mirren have been unable to get a grip on. However, this Joma effort is lovely. A rare modern example of a sponsor adding to the aesthetic of the design. The grey accent on the trim of the sleeves and neck and the red of the Joma logo and shirt number gives it a real timeless feel. If I was to be hyper critical, I’d potentially say a crew neck would have suited the style better but – as St Mirren have repeatedly told me – my inability to pull off a v-neck is “not the club’s problem”.

5. 1994/95 Home

The guy you meet on a stag do and immediately become best friends with. Who’s he with? Is he someone’s cousin? I think he’s maybe Gav’s mate from work? We can’t ask him now, it’s been eight pubs!

4. 1991/92 Away

The last mouthful of a cup of instant coffee. All granules and chaos. Energy for days.

3. 1999/00 Home

The best football season of your life vs. Tricky to pull off a v-neck. Real six-pointer.

2. 1993/94 Away

“Ideas are like fish. If you want to catch little fish, you can stay in the shallow water. But if you want to catch the big fish, you’ve got to go deeper. Deep down the fish are more powerful and more pure. They’re huge and abstract. And they’re very beautiful.” – David Lynch

1. 2012/13 Home

Semantic satiation is a psychological phenomenon in which repeating a word or phrase over and over causes it to lose all meaning, turning it into mere sounds. The image of Jim Goodwin and Steven Thompson holding aloft the 2013 League Cup was my phone background for so long I can’t see this as a football shirt anymore. Just pixels. Data.

Weird note to end the list on, that. Best kit we’ve ever had though.